Top 13 Vampire Jokes

I have to say, this week's jokes suck more than usual. I hope nobody gives me any bad blood about them.

13. What did the vampire order at the bar? A Bloody Mary
12.What kind of dog does a vampire have? A Blood Hound
11. I worked with a vampire once. They were a real pain in the neck.
10. Why would a vampire need cold medicine? For their coffin
9. What do you call a vampire snowman? Frostbite
8. I love it when Vampires race. It’s always neck and neck.
7. Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water
6. How do vampires flirt? Batting their eyes
5. Vampires have the most active clubs. They’re always looking for new blood.
4. The vampire broke up with their boyfriend because he wasn’t her type.
3. How do vampires go sailing? On blood vessels
2. Where do vampires have their savings accounts? The blood bank
1. I heard being a vampire really sucks

Top 13 Pirate Jokes

Ahoy thar ye land lubbers! I was goin' ta be doing internet jokes this week, but in dedication to an old friend I'll be seein' today, I decided to dedicate this week to the best Pirate jokes this side o' the seven seas!

13. Why aren’t there any French Restaurants in Davy Jones’ Locker? Dead men sell no snails!
12. What do Pirates and Pimps have in common? They both say “yo ho” and walk with a limp!
11. What’s the pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast
10. What did the Pirate on Wheel of Fortune say? I’d like to buy an Aye!
9. What’s every pirate’s favorite flavor potato chip? Barrrrrrbeque
8. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they insist there are 7 Cs
7. What do pirates say pick up their dates? “Can I fire my cannon into your porthole?”
6. What’s the pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast
5. Why don’t you ever see a pirate cry? When they do, it’s a private tear!
4. What kind of ships do pirates have trouble with? Relationships!
3. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A Buck-an-ear*
2. Why did the pirate go to the Apple Store? To buy an IPatch! *
1. There was a reporter interviewing a retired buccaneer about his many years living at sea. As she understood it, he had lead a very long and exciting life. Trying to find an exciting story, she started the interview by asking, “So, Captain, how did you get your peg leg?”

The Captain responded, “I got too drunk one night and broke me’ ankle. The ship doesn’t have a doctor, so we cut it off and put the leg on thar.”

The reporter was disappointed, because she had expected a more exciting story. Not to be discouraged, she would move on to her next question, asking him how he had gotten the hook on his hand. He responded, “ ‘Twas me night to cook and I wasn’t paying attention when cuttin’ the food. Like before, we didn’t have no doctor te fix me up, so we put the hook on there.”

Once again, the story had been less exciting than the reporter had hoped. In a final act of desperation, she asked about the path on his eye, to which he explained, “I was out on the deck lookin’ at the sea when a seagull flew overhead and its droppin’s fell clear into me eye.”

The reporter was confused. “That’s why you wear a patch on your eye?”

The Captain responded, “Well, I’d only had me hook for a few days!”


Find more of these at Piratejokes.net

Kickassia Presidential Debate- Dr. Insano V. Nostalgia Critic

For some of my more loyal followers, this video has become more of a rumor or a teaser than a project. I recorded my voice for the audio on the text slides, which is what took most of my time up, in addition to fixing three clips that had broken sound I could not use.


Even for those with the mildest of political interests, I believe this should still be quite funny.

Linkara Tribute- Holding out for a Hero

Lord Vyce, Black Lantern Spoony, Dr Linksano, Dr Insano and Mechakara want to destroy the world, and only one person can stop them. Lord Vyce might be an interdimmensional conqueror, Spoony might be a Black Lantern, The doctors might have the power of science and Neutro, and Mechakara might be an android, but Linkara, he is a MAN!

Linkara is the property of Lewis Lovehaug and channel awesome, as is Atop the Fourth Wall. Footage was taken from Reviews of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers Zeo, Superman Distant Fires, Neutro and Warrior. This video also features Noah Antwiler, the Spoony One, and Lindsey Ellis, the Nostalgia Chick.

Music is "Holding out for a Hero" by Frou Frou.

Occupationally Hazardous Puns

This week on the Bad Joke of The Week, we will be looking at occupational puns. Specifically, I am going to list my top 13 “Occupationally Hazardous” puns. I hope you enjoy them.

13. I considered becoming a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience

12. I tried my luck as a police officer, but I needed arrest

11. I quit being a firefighter because it was too hot to handle

10.  I worked as a cook for a while, but didn’t have a taste for it

9. Working at a meat packing plant is a sure fire way to bring home the bacon

8. I got a job with a phone company, but it wasn’t my calling

7. I got hired as a Webmaster, but couldn’t get with the program

6. I didn’t originally want to be a farmer, but the idea grew on me

5. I got an interview with the morgue, but I hear the hours are pretty stiff

4. I tried my hand at professional poker, but it wasn’t in the cards

3. My friend wanted me to be a photographer, but I just couldn’t picture it

2. The trucking company went out of business. I guess they weren’t in it for the long haul

1. Dentistry, now there’s a job you can sink your teeth into

Tribute to Dr Insano

I made this video a while ago. Composed of several clips from the Spoony Experiment and Kickassia. Music is Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace.

Bad Joke of the Week

I've had this blog for three months now, and have been wondering to myself what I should do with it.I'd bounced around lots of ideas, but just couldn't think of something that really fit my schedule and interests at the same time. But, I finally came to a conclusion, one so obvious I probably should have thought of it three months ago.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of one of my greatest passions in life- my love of incredibly bad jokes. Especially when those bad jokes are puns. Is it even possible to write an entire blog article based on the premise of a one liner? I guess I'm going to find out.

The first pun should be a special one, one that has a special meaning to me beyond the cheap laugh I get from it. And over the last three years, I have developed a massive arsenal of puns, many of which I recycle on a regular basis. I finally decided on a limerick I wrote a few years back.


There was this devil I once knew
At Satan's work, he was still new
His dastardly goal
To capture my soul
And so I gave him my shoe.

I Took a Shot in the Dark

I have come to accept that there is bureaucracy and red tape in the world and some of it is very necessary. But, the vast majority of it is not, and is often counter-productive. My recent experiences as a graduate student here at Ithaca College have reminded me of that more than any other experience my entire life thus far.

As the new semester is fast approaching, the time has come once again to register for classes. Only, when I attempted to do so, I found that there was a medical hold placed on my account and I could not register until it was lifted. Thinking there was just a form I needed to sign, I went to the campus medical center and inquired about getting the hold lifted.

There are certain vaccinations that New York State law requires you to have in order to attend school. And, until this point in my life, those vaccinations had not prevented me from attending grade school or getting my undergraduate college degree. According to Ithaca College, however, one of the vaccinations I received when I was just a baby were not valid.

You can get this vaccination as early as four days before your first birthday. According to my records, I received it on the 4^th of February, when my birthday is on the 13^th. When I thought about it, I realized that four days before my first birthday would have been the 9^th, and that 4 and 9 can look very similar when written. I explained to the person at the medical center that my record should read “9” and not “4” and that this is clearly a mistake since I had been able to obtain education from New York State my entire life before this.

She told me to either get the shot or have blood work done to prove I already did. I was also informed that  I could have either done at the facility. Of course, they could not get me in that day and so I had to wait an additional week before I could get the shot. And when I did, the only person with the power to lift the hold on my account had taken the day off.

To make matters worse, I was not informed that this shot would not be covered by my student medical plan with Ithaca College. This was a medical procedure I did not want to receive, and am fairly certain I did not have to receive. It was mandated by New York State Law and Ithaca College would not allow me to register for classes unless I received it.

So why am I being charged 70 dollars? I received this shot under duress from not being able to register for my classes and continue with my education. At no point did I have a desire to receive the shot, which I made very clear to them at the medical center. Don’t I have a right to refuse medical treatment? I had already gotten this shot for free when I was a year old from a clinic to give the shot to children. This ultimately came across as a petty attempt to get more money from me than I am already paying.