Friday, February 18, 2011

Top 13 Pirate Jokes

Ahoy thar ye land lubbers! I was goin' ta be doing internet jokes this week, but in dedication to an old friend I'll be seein' today, I decided to dedicate this week to the best Pirate jokes this side o' the seven seas!

13. Why aren’t there any French Restaurants in Davy Jones’ Locker? Dead men sell no snails!
12. What do Pirates and Pimps have in common? They both say “yo ho” and walk with a limp!
11. What’s the pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast
10. What did the Pirate on Wheel of Fortune say? I’d like to buy an Aye!
9. What’s every pirate’s favorite flavor potato chip? Barrrrrrbeque
8. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? Because they insist there are 7 Cs
7. What do pirates say pick up their dates? “Can I fire my cannon into your porthole?”
6. What’s the pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast
5. Why don’t you ever see a pirate cry? When they do, it’s a private tear!
4. What kind of ships do pirates have trouble with? Relationships!
3. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A Buck-an-ear*
2. Why did the pirate go to the Apple Store? To buy an IPatch! *
1. There was a reporter interviewing a retired buccaneer about his many years living at sea. As she understood it, he had lead a very long and exciting life. Trying to find an exciting story, she started the interview by asking, “So, Captain, how did you get your peg leg?”

The Captain responded, “I got too drunk one night and broke me’ ankle. The ship doesn’t have a doctor, so we cut it off and put the leg on thar.”

The reporter was disappointed, because she had expected a more exciting story. Not to be discouraged, she would move on to her next question, asking him how he had gotten the hook on his hand. He responded, “ ‘Twas me night to cook and I wasn’t paying attention when cuttin’ the food. Like before, we didn’t have no doctor te fix me up, so we put the hook on there.”

Once again, the story had been less exciting than the reporter had hoped. In a final act of desperation, she asked about the path on his eye, to which he explained, “I was out on the deck lookin’ at the sea when a seagull flew overhead and its droppin’s fell clear into me eye.”

The reporter was confused. “That’s why you wear a patch on your eye?”

The Captain responded, “Well, I’d only had me hook for a few days!”

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  1. All too funny.
    Poor pirate.. bet he had fun trying to use the restroom xD

  2. there are two movie questions

  3. Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says "you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants?" Pirate says "yar! It's driving me nuts!"

  4. Replies
    1. Someone dressed as a pirate goes trick or treating on Halloween night. The woman of the house opens the door and sees the trick or treater and says"Oh, a Pirate! And where are your Buccaneers?" He answers: "Under me buccan Hat!"

  5. Why couldn't the little pirate go to the movies?
    Cuz it was rated arrrrrrr!!!!
    Tee hee

  6. Why couldn't the little pirate go to the movies?
    Cuz it was rated arrrrrrr!!!!
    Tee hee